Author: Kari

Let’s talk about my past few months, this is a long one so ya might wanna grab a snack and snuggle in. In February I made the decision to leave the job that was sucking the life outta my body. We were leaving for vacation at the end of the month and I didn’t want to take the struggles and anxieties of my job to the beach with me, and I had already made jokes about leaving for vacation and never coming back so it was the perfect time for me to make the leap. My fiancé is an incredible tattoo artist and he owns his own shop where we live so the plan was that I would help him at the shop and sell clothes and go back to school to pursue my doctorate degree. Easy peasy? Nah dawg. Shit is TOUGH out here.

For a graduation present from my masters degree my in laws took us to San Pedro Belize! SO EFFING FANTASTIC. If you haven’t been there, it needs to be on your travel list, we’ll come back to that later though. Before I quit my job I had started meeting with an energy healer, practicing meditation, and reading books. I was on a serious healing journey before I went to Belize, but I truly think that trip was an essential healing element. The food, the people, the vibes, the culture and the warm salt water how could a bitch not heal?

We knew going into our vacation that there was a chance that my precious Nana would pass while I was gone. My parents and I even had the conversation that there was the absolute worst case potential they would have to have the funeral without me. (this was highly unlikely but my parents have a plan for a plan for a plan) I was as at peace with it as I could be. She was on this earth without her one true love, my grandpa and she was sick, I didn’t want her to stay here any longer than she had to.

We had a beautiful last day on the beach, we watched the sunset while we were sitting in the ocean and it was the type of experience that makes you belief in God if you didn’t already. That night before we were leaving we were laying in bed, Ashton was already snoring peacefully next to me and I couldn’t fall asleep. My legs start shivering uncontrollably, picture when your jaw is chattering because you are so cold, that’s how my legs felt, maybe a spasm more accurately describes it, I don’t know, just go with me here. I got up to make sure I could still walk and my legs didn’t actually just turn to jelly, I walked to the bathroom and then did some stretches to see if that would help but it I was now stand twitching. I got back into bed, how Ashton didn’t wake up during this whole thing I will NEVER know, but I laid down and arched my back up with my chest going to the ceiling as high as I could and I shit you not, a demon or SOMETHING straight came outta my chest and my whole body cracked and snapped and the twitches were gone and the craziest sense of peace I have ever felt just hit me.

I sat up and looked around making sure that I didn’t just enter a parallel universe and that I was still alive in this body. I felt like I was riding a cloud, it was lovely. Now, there is definitely no sleeping to be had so I decided to doom scroll. I pick up my phone and I have a text from a cousin who never texts me and I instantly knew what it was going to say before even reading it. I got up and went outside to the back porch so I could call my mom. When she answered the phone she said well we almost made it a whole day without someone telling you!

When my grandpa died in April 2024, we were in Houston on vacation. My cousin texted me when I was standing outside the airport bathrooms waiting for Ashton to come out saying she was sorry about my grandpa. I called instantly called my mom, she didn’t answer so I called my dad and when he answered his voice went up 75 octaves so I knew something was wrong and he told me my sweet precious 92 year old grandpa passed away in his sleep and they found him that morning. On our last day of vacation we went to the beach and NASA, so the ongoing joke was that we shouldn’t have gone to the beach and NASA on the last day of vacation. In Belize, we thought we would be okay if we just went to the beach and not both, but we were wrong.

Going to her funeral was a fever dream. I wore sunglasses the whole time and didn’t really speak to any one. The people I did speak to seemed to want me to have a sadder reaction than I did. Obviously, I was devastated I lost my butterfly of a human being but the peace that she is finally able to have made me have peace, I know she is with me each day. I had lived in fear of the day she was going to die for my entire life, I was finally free. I felt like a baby without a blankey, but it was a necessary part of my growth process and it happened at a time in my life that I was strong enough to handle the devastation.

To grieve, I laid on the couch with my dog and read spirituality books, and took alotta bubble baths. I will say, this whole thing would have looked so much different if I was still working. I am so grateful for my time to grieve and submerge myself into a full healing journey. I will doing a follow up post on all the books that I read that I feel like truly spoke to my soul and helped me heal different aspects of my inner self. My mom and I decided to go to Florida for mothers day since it would be the first one without Nana. I asked my dad if I could take her to Belize and he said mmm how bout Florida?

My mom and I had an amazing trip to Sanibel Island, Florida. Her favorite thing in the world is looking for sea shells and it is the seashell capital of the world (I dunno if that’s real or not, but there’s alotta frickin shells). We had a cute little AirBNB on the beach and we just vibed the whole time. Sometimes, my mom and I fight like sisters, but we got along and enjoyed each other. We even went to the beach the last day of vacation and no one died!

I started school while we were in Florida, so when we got home school was my primary focus. I am on a FlexPath plan so hopefully I will be done in September. I want to teach college classes and be tell people I’m a doctor. Kari Steinle, DBA, Doctor Bad Ass.

May 21st my sweet baby rottweiler, Sproutsy came and jumped in bed with us in absolute panic, he was panting and just seemed frantic. I got up with him and he went to his bed and wouldn’t get up for breakfast, I was like thanks man I thought you were starving but whatever. I go lay on the couch and read my book and he decides to come snug next to me, his favorite place in the world is next to me, he is my velcro boy. I was sitting there thinking that the dogs were stinky and that it smelled like McDonalds breakfast. Ashton came out and noticed there was puke all over where Sprouts had been laying, here was the McDonalds smell. We got him up and outside and he became wobbly in his back legs. He has bad hips and he went through 2 knee surgeries so the boys legs were not his friends but none the less it was time to go to the vet. The vet did a full exam and said his nerves were still in tact and we only needed to worry if all four legs became wobbly. Rottweilers get a disease called wobblers that is caused by bone cancer and when all four legs are effected, it is too late.

We got home that day and he jumped on the couch and we snugged all day long and that night he lost all function in all four legs. The look he gave me as all four of his legs gave out from underneath him will forever be burned into my brain. made him a nest on the floor by the couch and we slept out in the living room with him. The next morning when he tried to pull himself on the couch, he fell, it was official. We got him on the couch and waited for the vet to open, it was his time.

Let me just tell you, losing that boy was harder than losing my Nana. My nana I was fully prepared for, this one I was not. We put our other rottweiler down almost two years ago in July and I always thought he was my soul dog, but Sprouts was my soul dog. Roman definitely got me through some hard times but he didn’t love me the way that Sprouts did. If this would have happened any other time in my life, I don’t know what I would have done. Again, I am so glad that I don’t have to go back to my miserable job while dealing with this.

They say that when your life feels like it has crumbled, that is when the most change is coming. I truly believe that my past year of spiritual healing has prepared me for something wonderful. It’s crazy, I feel the worst and the best I have ever felt in my entire life. All I want to do is cry and mourn my dog, but yet I feel at peace with my life. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I have faith that it is about to get really frickin’ good.

I still cry at least once per day, I could probably shower more than I do, but I am still focusing on meditation and reading. Hard things in life are going to happen, over and over. How we handle those situations and what we learn, are the lessons that the universe has sent for a reason. I am forever grateful for the love that I had from Sprouts, he will forever fill my heart, but I truly think he was the sacrifice I had to make to accept my new life. He was my pacifier and my training wheels, it is time for me to fly. I had a dream a couple days later of him running around a field and he was so happy, at first I thought I made a mistake but now I know that was my sign that he is okay on the other side and always with me.

Looking back on it now, I honestly have no idea why I allowed myself to be sad for so long. It’s not like I had all that bad of a life, sure there were sad things in my life that happened but nothing that wasn’t happening to people who were perfectly happy and thriving regardless around me. In all honesty, I pushed so many people away from me and allowed so much nonsense into my life because I was sad all the time and brought the mood down and I was down right mean to people that didn’t deserve it. I thought that I was a victim of the world and that everyone should feel bad for the trials and tribulations I had. When really, the biggest problem that I had was that I didn’t respect myself and my self esteem was TRASH. I was only a victim of the reality that I created for myself and I was doing absolutely nothing to change the pattern, the only thing I was doing was feeling sorry for myself. I wanted someone that was going to save me, love me and make all my problems go away. Silly goose, the only person who was capable of doing that was ME. A friend once told me, when you are crying in the shower, who is the one that makes you stand up and turn the water off? YOU TURN THE WATER OFF. I spent so much time letting negative energy define me, that I never put the time into defining myself in the ways that I needed. The only thing that is truly standing in the way of the future that you want is yourself. There is not a single human on this planet who is not going through something in their personal lives and odds are, the person has it way worse than you. In the moments where you feel hate, replace the hateful thought with gratitude and see where that takes you.

A few months after I started college, I started working at a tanning salon and the owner is one of the greatest human beings on the planet. She even let me leave and come back on more than one occasion. She did everything she possibly could to get it through my thick skull that I was the key to my own happiness, I was just too set on the fact that being a sad bitch was my identity and the only way I would have an “edge” was if I stayed sad. She bought me a book by Louise Hay called “You Can Heal Yourself ” and begged me to read it but of course, I wasn’t ready to take it seriously and appreciate it till years later. I have to say, now that I’m happy, I feel like the baddest bitch on the planet and my edge is the fiercest that it has ever been. Anyways, back to the book. I will say, until you are absolutely ready to take your life and future into your own hands don’t read it, you have to wait for the perfect moment in order to believe in the juju. We are one positive thought away from changing every fiber in our being. We are giant balls of energy, both positive and negative. The more positive energy that we can produce internally, the less room there is for negative energy. I’m not going to spoil every detail of the book, but the gist idea is that when you are sitting there saying how much pain you are in and how terrible your life is, change your thought. Pain is temporary, breathe in and breathe out, maybe do some yoga or some stretches and fight the pain. Just see what happens when you don’t let your anxiety or anger win. Changing your thoughts is the first step of changing your life. Obviously, Rome wasn’t built in a day, this is not something that is going to change over night. It is not an easy transition, but once you do it and see the high of the other side, you’ll begin to chase it. The main thing is that you see that you are the person who is in control of your happiness, if you aren’t make it a priority than no one will.

Allowing someone else to be in charge of your happiness is setting both you and them up for complete failure. If you can’t make yourself happy, how the hell is someone else going to make you happy?! My fiance, is a precious angel and he inspires me to be the baddest version of myself that I can be. When I start to be a saddie, he brings the baddie right back out. In the beginning of our relationship I put his happiness before mine and never prioritized myself, because I thought that was what I was supposed to do. He encourages me to find my own happiness and make myself happy. That way it takes the pressure off of him and I am in control of my own happiness. I was so used to toxic relationships that this was a new concept to me. Of course he makes me happy, but learning what I can do to make myself happy and nurturing the relationship with myself has made a massive change in my life. I identify as an empath so negative energy does impact me, when he is having a bad day that is not my fault, it is still easy to go down a mental rabbit holes that put a damper on our relationship. Taking myself out of it, I am able to give him the space he needs to decompress and I know that I am loved. You gotta give yourself the love that you give other people. When you are giving others your absolute all, but you wouldn’t do the same for yourself, for your own sanity you need to start romanticizing the relationship with yourself. Take yourself on a date!

The things listed below are some of the major things that have made a significant difference in my life over the years, I’m not saying that these things are going to work for you, I am just here to say that they worked for me and that you should try to find the things that work for you. As of lately, one of my biggest motivators has actually been from the passing of my favorite human on the planet, my Nana. I was already on a healing journey but her passing made me want to kick it into gear even more. Life is so precious and it is what we make of it. Her legacy was that she had the kindest heart and spirit and she made the best chicken noodle soup. I don’t want my legacy to be known as a sad girl, I want to be remembered for helping people find their inner fire and living my best life. These ten steps for me personally, are how to do just that. Obviously, grumpiness and sadness are still a natural part of life. Get that lie outta your head right now that you are going to be happy 24/7, it’s an unrealistic expectation because life is still going to happen around you. Learning how to deal with life as it happening, is what makes it easier to get through, along with helping you to appreciate the good times even more.

Tips to get started:

1. If you are able in your life situation and you don’t already have a pet, get a pet as a companion (or buy another pet, I’m not here to judge or tell you what to do). A pet will not only put a smile on your face 99.9% of the time, but it also gives you something to take care of and gives you a purpose higher than yourself. A key ingredient to my happiness is doggos, FOR SURE. Don’t get it twisted though, animals are alot of work so don’t make a commitment to something that you aren’t fully in a place to take on oodles of responsibility. Worst comes to worst, Tamagotchi made a huge comeback recently so get you one of those little fellas to take care of or if you’re feeling frisky and wanna try to take care of something that is actually alive and depends on you with no do overs, get you a plant (or five)!
2. Find people that you can relate to and start following them and learning from there. Listen to Podcasts by people who could be of guidance in your new life journey. Some fan faves of mine are Khloe in Wonderland, The Mel Robbins Podcast, Dumb Blonde, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. This part helped me to get out of my own thoughts and it almost made me feel like I was part of their conversations and that I am being spoon fed advice. When you can stop taking advice so personally and use it as fuel to your inner fire, you’ll be a much happier person. Following people on social media is definitely helpful, but spend hours on your phones just doom scrolling.
3. Prioritize physical activity. I’m not saying you have to be in the gym every day for hours at a time, if that is your jam more power to ya, but you could also get by with going for a 15 minute walk outside a few times a week. It doesn’t have to be any thing crazy, but prioritizing your physical health is an absolute necessity to improve your mental health. If more doctors would prescribe diet and exercise as a treatment plan instead of automatically going to a pill of some sort, the world may look different. I am speaking from personal experience in this one, I do understand where pills become necessary for function, I just think there should be more focus on preventative measures and rehabilitation. I’m a dirty hippy, okay?
4. There ain’t no shame in reading a self help book. The amount of resources that we have access to between books and the internet, SHEESH. A book that truly changed my life was Think Like a Monk by Jay Shetty. It’s a book, I plan to read at least every three months just to pick up on the things I missed. Ya girl has some ADHD and can’t retain much when she reads SO going back through will be huge for me. The more perspectives that we can get on the life, the better. I’m telling ya, I used to be a grumpy b****, I mean, I still kind of am, but I am much better than I used to be and this book really helped me with that. I add on to my favorite book list as I go, I want to learn from all the heroes and sheros.
5. When you first wake up in the morning, name as many things that you can think of to be grateful for. You are absolutely lying to yourself if you feel like you have nothing to be grateful for in your life, if you truly feel that way, then I would say you need to look deep inside and let go of some of your s*** and forgive yourself and whoever else you need to. We can’t go back in life, we can only go forward so don’t carry old garbage around with you. What happens when you don’t throw away trash? It builds up and could build into a hoarder situation. Our minds are not a trash can so it’s best not to keep trash in there for longer than you need to! The more grateful that we are in our daily lives, the more good things that we invite into our lives. Don’t chase, attract, babes.
6. Find the words that you want to be your life mantra. When you are at your most pissed off, you can focus on these words and it helps take your mind off the situation at hand. It is also a good reminder of aligning the life you want to live with your actions. The words that I use are: Happy, Healthy, Wealthy and Kind. Come up with your own fun little variation and begin to live with a different sense of accountability. I only eat three cookies now when I really wanted to eat five, see, healthy! Remember when we say we don’t want something, the universe hears it that we want. Make sure to be intentional with your words, not just in the sense of a mantra!
7. Take CBD Bubble Baths. If you don’t have a bath tub, go to a hotel or something, or order a blowup on on Amazon, just get a tub. Bubble baths are the frickin’ secret to life. Some bubbles, some salt, some CBD, UGH talk about HEALING. It is the perfect opportunity to get out of your own head for a bit and let your body soak in the healing as well. If CBD is something that absolutely can’t get behind, that is okay too, use regular salts! Dr. Teals is *chefs kiss*
8. Find the change that is going to change your life the most, and make it happen. I was not thriving in my job. Don’t get me wrong, I had a great job that paid well, but I would work fifty hours per week and then live in fear all weekend to go back to the place. I am fortunate enough to have a very supporting spouse, but I was able to quit my job and focus on what I want to do with my life. He is an INCREDIBLE tattoo artist (No, I’m not just bias) who owns his own shop so I am fortunate enough to be able to help him with his business and figure out my life.
9. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Do something every day that scares you.” I am a big ol’ weenie, I will be the first to admit, HOWEVER, I am working to change that. We went on vacation to one of the most incredible snorkeling places in the world, so I had to snorkel. The only time I had every snorkeled was in a frickin’ pool but my girl Eleanor rang in my ear so I knew I had to try! At first, I was like oh lawd, I have made a serious mistake. I was choking on salt water and fish were almost touching me, EW. But, I had to make the most of the experience so buddy gave me a life jacket and I got my s*** together with the mouth piece and I swam around like a CHAMP. I was able to swim with a turtle and let me tell you, that was one of the most incredible moments of my entire thirty years. IT ALL HAPPENED BECAUSE I STOPPED BEING A WEENIE. Tomorrow, I am going to a boxing class for the first time. Stay tuned for updates on that one.
10. Be kind. It’s pretty simple, just be kind. You can catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar, honey. Nobody likes when people are mean to them, so, DON’T BE MEAN TO PEOPLE. Treat others how you would want to be treated, bestie. We can be the kindness that the world needs, if we just get out of our own heads for a minute.

We are on the journey together, babes! I would love to hear more about what you do to bring out your inner baddie! It’s okay to get the saddies sometimes, that is part of life. You just have to be able to bring YOURSELF back to the baddies. No one is coming for you, lets be baddies together.